A Comfortable Chirstmas

There is such joy in having a four year old, especially during the Christmas season. I love the wonder and the joy that shines from Paige's face.
Christmas morning was my favorite morning of this last year. Paige came straight into our room and patiently waited for us to wake up (we were awake however for the last hour, just laying there waiting for the kids). We asked her if Santa had come, and she went running into the living room to find out. The first sound that we heard was a little gasp and then the pattering of feet.
She came right back into our room and said, "Santa brought me 2 BIG presents!" Santa of course did not bring her 2 big presents, but rather than tell her that, we asked her if Elizabeth was awake. Again there is a pattering of feet, and then Paige telling Elizabeth, "Santa came! Santa came! Get up! Get up! It is CHRISTMAS!" What kind of toddler would/could sleep through that kind of noise. Then there are two girls, heading toward the living room. By the time we get out there they can't take their eyes off of their treasures under the tree.
What a morning, we took our time from there. It was fun, the Christmas Story, the stockings, then one at a time the gifts.
We took the time to let them play with each of their toys, before we got dressed and headed out to Sweet Home for Christmas with Andrew's family. It was such a joyous day, relaxing and fun. The only thing that could have been better was that there was no nap time, so when it was time to leave... they were ready for bed too! (I guess that is not really a bad thing)

Sweet Freedom from House Guests

I feel relieved, we finally finished our business with the woman that was staying with us. With one signature (that I kept putting off getting), it is really all over. I can screen my calls and know that there is no reason for her to be calling me. I have no reason to go out of my way to get things done for her. Sweet relief! Part of me feels bad that I feel this relieved, but I was so down when I had to deal with her. I am just pleased that it is really over now and that I am going to be paid for every minute that I had to watch her son. It is over.

My Suprise Christmas Gift

My Sunday school class had a Christmas party, where the game was a white elephant gift exchange. We decided to have a true white elephant gift exchange, so all the gifts had to be something from your house. We had a hard time finding things that we thought that the class would enjoy, as we are one of the younger ones in the class.

I saw someone carry in a large flat gift and I knew instantly that was the gift I wanted to open. We drew our numbers and I was number 11 and Andrew ended up as 16 (the last number). Sure enough I opened the gift only to find the one thing I wasn't really expecting, a piece of art that was more than just a no name piece of junk, a Thomas Kinkade print. Not just a small print but a matted and framed 20" by 30" image.

My heart stopped and I found myself not believing that someone brought this cool of a thing to a white elephant party.

But sure enough they did, and the numbers just kept passing with no one even taking a look at the framed wonder sitting right at my feet. Before I knew it, we were at 15 and finally someone remembered that I had this cool thing and stole it. He wanted to use the frame ( I don't think that he knew what it was). Luckily, I chose to steal something that was taken from me that turn. I ended up stealing my picture back in the same turn. Only one steal left and it would be there's.

Andrew was next so I had him kill the present by stealing it from me, and with that it was ours. Oh, the joy... I wanted to celebrate. But instead, I had to sit nicely and help Andrew get a good prize too. Then as soon as it was over I wanted to jet off and hang up my first and probably only Kinkade print of my life. But for social reasons, I had to stay and chat.

I have never left a party with such a joy. It just goes to show that what is one mans junk in the attic is another person's treasure. I don't in any way think that this woman thought of this as junk.

I still have to hang it, but I am going to do that tomorrow. We need a stud finder, can't let this just fall of the wall!

Thanksgiving

I am very excited for Thanksgiving. I love the time that we get to spend with family. The main dishes, the sides and all the desserts. I really love getting away from home. Spending relaxing a relaxing day eating, playing games and catching up with the family.
To be honest though, this year I am having a hard time staying on this holiday. I keep thinking about Friday. I keep thinking about all the fun that I have on black friday. I love the crowds and the shopping. I love finding the very best deals, and knowing that I have done well. I love walking away at the end of the day having finished most of the Christmas list.
To make matters worse, this is the first year that I have had a child that understands that Christmas is coming. She knows about Santa and presents; she love the Chirstmas tree and the idea of snow.
But tomorrow is a very important day to me. We get to spend time with people that we don't see very often. I love that!!!

The plan for Paige's 4th Birthday Party!!

I have taken a bold step. Every December my husband and I have gone round and round as to what to do for Paige's Birthday party. He says the house is too small. I say it is only 2 hours and maybe everyone won't come. And every year we end up doing what he has wanted to do and we have gone somewhere. But this year, I said no way. When we do the party somewhere else, it always ends up being more expensive. Not this year. We are going to do a simple party. And because of when we scheduled it we don't even have to plan a meal. Cost is now down in half.

The theme... Christmas. No decorations needed, the tree will be enough. We are going to decorate cookies, gingerbread. The kids are going to listen to the story about the gingerbread man. Everyone is going to drink hot cocoa with marshmallows and we will offer some homemade Chex Mix and popcorn. We might have homemade play dough that smells like peppermint for the kids to play with. Goody bags will be Christmas themed; filled with candy canes, a pack of crayons and one small coloring book. Top the party off with a homemade cake and we are good to go!

I feel good about the party this year, it will be fun to have Paige open her birthday presents by the Christmas tree. And it will be the first time some of these people have been to our house since Paige was just a newborn.

Now I just have to step out of my comfort zone and follow through by actually finishing cleaning the WHOLE house and KEEPING it clean until the party! This is going to be a huge stretch for me but I am just taking it one step at a time!

The Passing of Sid

This morning started like every morning has started this week. Paige came running into my room asking if she could play with Sid. I gave her my normal answer, she could after breakfast. This is followed by a rushed breakfast and then asking for Sid to come down again.

This was however, the first morning that Paige didn't ask if Sid was still alive. The day we brought him home we warned her that Sid could die quickly, it was followed by her getting up from her nap asking if he was still alive; And rejoicing that he was.

I stood to reach for the mouse cage from the top of the bookcase but I realized quickly that something was wrong with the situation. The mouse did not move as I picked up the cage, and continued to lay still as I brought it down to eye level. Sid was not breathing.

Thoughts started to race through my mind. How do I tell her? What do I do? What is the quickest way to remove him with out making it a big deal? What is she going to say...?

Paige is a quick little girl. Before I could do anything, she figured out what had happened and started to cry.

My little Paige has a broken heart. Even Elizabeth realized that something was wrong. She has been easy to cry following the discovery of a still Sid. I am not sure when Paige will be ready for a new friend, but she is already asking for one. Funny how that happens.

A Mouse in the House!!!

We have let Paige adopt a pet mouse. It is creepy and weird... I am not going to like having it smell up my house. But it was for Andrew's lesson this week, and now apparently Paige's special pet. She has named him Sid, or Sidney... if it is a girl... we can't tell. I am so nervous that in just a few weeks we will have more than just this one rodent in the cage.


Paige is very excited. What a way to brighten a little girl's face! Oh, but it has put a damper on mine. Here is me pretending to be a happy parent.


It amazes me just how much she can fall in love with something so quickly.


I am so not thinking of this rodent as a blessing... at least not now.

Blessings

I seem to have come out of that funk that hung over me these last couple months. It seems that when I was bothered before by my house guest that it was the only thing that I talked about.... and sadly the only thing that I thought about. I think I need to focus more on the good things in my life. I need to remind myself of the things that make me smile.

Counting my blessings...

Well, first of all I have a husband who loves me. He thinks of me first; and goes out of his way to make me happy. Take today, I made a passing comment of how a certain thing sounded good for lunch and he found a whole different reason to go out right away and come back with my favorite lunch.

I have two lovely daughters. I love them so, they are the reason I get out of bed each day. They fill me with their questions, wishes and desires. They come to me with their stories and ideas. They look for me to celebrate with them with each of their successes; whether it is climbing to the top bunk by themselves or making up a new dance. They are my sunshine each day. And both for their own reason.

I have been provided a nice house to live in. It is more than just a shelter from the cold. It is fully equipped. No repairs seem to be needed, at least as of now. (I should knock on wood here.) It is a small house but even that is a blessing, no one gets lost in my home... I am aware of what is happening in each room. And we have a space all our own, no noisy neighbors above us or sharing a wall.

I have a working car. More than just working, it is nice. Yes, it is something we have had to pay for and make sacrifices for but it is here when we need it.

I have been adopted into a great family that loves me vary much. They instilled in me a good work ethic. They have tried to teach me the value of family, even if it is not what you were first born to.

I am also so thankful for the family that I have married into. They have been their for me as I transitioned into living far away from my family. I am not sure how many evenings they allowed me to just sit in their living room, so that I did not have to be home alone.

My mother-in-law has become one of my best friends, without her I am not sure that I would have made it here. In her I have a shopping buddy, an advice giver, a listening ear and a helping hand.

I have a loving church family here. At first I was not interested in going to this church. I hated it, resented going because I didn't like the way they did things. But in the last five years I have come to learn about why they do things the way that they do. I have come to get to know each of these people. Not only just a passing hi, but a friendship, this is more than I ever had with some of the people from my church growing up.

I have a needed place in the church. I have a role to help bring our youth to Christ. It isn't always clear cut where I should be helping, but I think with time my role will be more clearly defined. It is just a matter of both Andrew and I growing in Christ and our ministry.

We always have enough food. I remember being hungry as a child but in my married life that has yet to be a struggle. There are times that I feel we are not going to have enough to eat or that there is nothing left in our cupboards. But just when I have decided that there is no way, that is when God steps in and provides.

I am a blessed woman. I have a full life. Yes, it is hard to be the full time parent, wife and servant of God. But I would not want another role. I could not imagine doing anything else with my life; not after knowing what I know now, or after having done what I fill my days with now.

I have a rewarding life. Just in the results that I see with each passing day. Even though there are days that I forget just how much I love my life and how rewarding it is to live it.

I have adjusted back to life with only my family. Man, my house feels so big. It might have helped that I moved the toddler bed out of the girls room. Or maybe it is just that when I clean up a mess it takes longer than 10 minutes for a new mess to happen.
I love my girls. I love that they listen to me.

Starting New

I should also exclaim from the top of the mountains that on Sunday this woman is moving out. And that soon, I will be free... to shower when I want, do laundry when I want, spend each day with my kids how I want to.

Beyond that, in just an hour and thirty minutes I will no longer be in charge of her son.

Hallelujah!!!

Prune Juice Explained

I know that in my last post I was a little more than crazy. And a little more than just upset. There was a reason behind it.

Back at the beginning of September I made the mistake of letting a woman I barely know come and stay with us. Beyond that I agreed to do her daycare while she went to work each day. With the promise that the state could pay for the care that I was giving.

As my last post clearly shows, things did not go well.

Communication broke down. People were taken advantage of. In the most compact sense no one was comfortable with the situation. And I for one wanted it to end.

To cope I had started to complain , with funny statements, on Facebook (well, maybe not all of them were funny). Things like...

"Sarah is ready to pull her hair out!!"

"Sarah is is not sure that we made the right choice... changes might happen again... "

"Sarah is ready to have her house back... anyone want an extended house guest??? Feel free to ask, She will share them...."

"Sarah is counting down.... only 7 weeks till my house is back to normal!"

"Sarah is READY TO YELL AT THIS WOMAN... WHAT RIGHT DOES SHE HAVE TO ACT THIS WAY.... IT IS MY HOUSE!!!! MINE!!!"

"Sarah is ready for 6 weeks to pass!"

"Sarah thinks she might be seeing the light at the end of the tunnel!"

"Sarah says it might have been just gas... "

"Sarah is ready to just kick her out.... if only everyone else was..."

My sharing in a public format upset one of the college students from my church. Because I have youth that have access to my page as well. But they are not really my youth.

I am a youth pastor's wife. It is my job to be real and a friend to these kids. Yes I need to be an example, but I had endured a month of this woman in my house before I started posting my feelings or sharing them with anyone at all.

To be honest, How to Make Prune Juice is the response to the email that I received but that I don't have the guts to send. I wish I could send it, at least part of me does.

But, if I did have the guts I am pretty sure that this woman would never "get off her high horse" even just to say hi to me again. And I did at one point want to be her friend. Now I think I am just hopping for a nod of the head.

So instead of going to her... I came here. I just pray that even though I am sharing it here and posting it for the world to see that she does not stumble across it and hate me forever.

How to Make Prune Juice

Do you understand that I am not only questioning my decision in letting her stay with me, but my abilities as a parent. This child hates me, he will not play with me, runs away when I speak to him, hits things. He is constantly bullying my daughters. Do you understand that I am editing myself before I just post a new status. That I do think about how things sound before I just put them out there. And yet I am at my whits end. I have no idea how to live my life and still be walked all over by this woman.

I feel like it is not a bad thing for the youth to see what I am going through. That this decision effects me in every aspect of my life. Including how I interact with them as youth. So before you sit on a high horse, maybe you should stop and understand what it means when you let someone stay in your small 2 bedroom house when you already have 2 children of your own. And are surrounded by them 24 hours a day.

If I have done anything unacceptable it was letting her move in with me in the first place or unloading all of the garbage that I am going through on you without being asking me to.

By the way, when SHE ASKED ME if she could move in, it was short term... she had said that there was a new shelter opening a week after her time was up at the mission and that she would be trying to move in there.... that has obviously not happened... she has now lived with me for 2 months.

Am I wrong to be annoyed. No, am I wrong to share my problems with everyone... my question for you is if it is better to not say anything here and yell at her for every inconvenience she has put upon me. This way I share with the multiple people who want to know how life is going in my super full house. And I don't explode over every problem she has created in my house where I live and my house where I work.

Letters to my Girls

I have been cleaning the house and organizing things better; while I was doing this I came across a notepad with two letters in it. I decided to put them here so that I will have them later to look back on.


Dear Paige,
You are quite the three year old. Each day I am amazed at the ideas you come up with. They never seem to stop coming. Everything you talk about has something to do with "last weekend." You talk about you imaginary friends all the time, there's Birdy, Nemo and so many more.
You love you little sister; she makes you smile all the time. You can't go anywhere without her. You can't play in your room without having Elizabeth by your side.
You like to go all the time, we have to force you to stop. Even now the only reason that you are asleep is that I made you stop. Asleep in your car seat, head resting on your hand. Sitting crisscross-applesauce.
You are adorable, you are sweet, you are wonderful. I am excited to see the new things that you will come up with each day. Oh, the adventures that you will have; the things that you will do. I can't wait. Any mintute this nap will end and our adventures will begin again. HIP-HIP-HORRAY!!
Love, MOM


Dear Elizabeth,
You turned one last week. It amazes me how quickly time has been flying by. Seems like just yesterday that I found out you were coming. I love my princess.
You are an amazing girl. You have learned to talk so quickly. I am not sure how I will be able to handle a talker like you.
My only stress is that I can't make you walk. Trust me I have been trying to. No matter what I do you just want to stay close by. You enjoy walking only when someone is holding your hands.
You love your Paige. She holds your hand and you smile. She talks to you and you smile. She plays peek-a-boo with you and you laugh like crazy.
Paige loves you too. She wants to be with you all the time; if you weren't in the room with her she would be asking me to bring you to her. She loves to hold your hand and sing to you.
I have to tell you that you have a special place for your Daddy. When he comes into the room you brighten up like the sun. He is the one you want a hug from. Daddy and you seem to understand each other.
I am so proud of you. Each day you seem to be reaching for new heights. I can't believe how quickly you have been changing and growing.
Keep it up!
Love, Mom

Elizabeth Grace, My Crawling Machine

I have only three words...




STILL NOT WALKING.......

Mother’s Day Revisited

Last year my Mother's Day seemed very much like it was just motions. Maybe it was that I was just a few weeks postpartum or that Andrew had to work and I spent the day alone with the girls, the reason doesn't matter. It was hard.

This year was different.

I am not saying that it was how I would have dreamed spending Mother's Day. There are a few things that I wish would have not taken place.

However, I would not change going to be with my mom for the first time in a few years.

I would not change my Andy taking the day off work, to be with us.

I would not change spending quality time with my girls and letting them do something that they love doing.

I still had a range of emotions, not all of them good. And a big cry on the way home, just like last year.

But the most precious moment of the day was Paige running to me from her class to bring me a card. She was so proud of the little pink paper, I almost cried when I saw it.

It was such a lovely moment.

Really that was all that I wanted for Mother's Day, to be reminded that my girls love me.

Oh, and maybe some fresh Krispy Kremes.

Did I miss her 1st steps?

This last Friday (April 11), I think that I might have missed an important milestone in Elizabeth's development.
Elizabeth was having floor time and scooting around the house, while I was doing some laundry and Paige was laying on my bed watching Cinderella. I walked past my room and Saw Elizabeth holding on to the corner of my bed, kinda watching the cartoon, mostly trying to get Paige to want to play with her.
I left her there standing at the corner of my bed, cause she has been standing holding on to things for a long while now... that really isn't anything new. I was gone for 45 seconds when I heard a big crash and then tears. I came rushing back to find Elizabeth, laying on her stomach about 2 feet from the bed.
I am filled with guilt that the only one that was there to witness her first steps was her big sister. Paige couldn't care less when she is watching a princess movie. SO there was no cheering her on.
Needless to say, Elizabeth has not tried to walk again.
But maybe I am crazy and she was scooting toward the door and then just forgot how to scoot in her silly way and fell forward. That must be it. I will tell myself that Elizabeth has not tried to walk yet. And that is okay. That is better than thinking that no one saw her first steps.

The Nemo Party

Paige has a few imaginary friends. (I am sure that in a few years she will want the world to know this, but it is a good story... it is kind a long)

Maybe I should explain, she has more than a few imaginary friends. There is Birdy, Baby Dumbo and Princess Kitty Cat. I think that there are more, but they only visit. The most important of all her imaginary friends is Nemo. She takes him everywhere, he does everything with her. She loves him. I have sat on him once.... she didn't like that.

This year Paige wasn't done with birthdays after her birthday, Christmas (Jesus' Birthday), Uncle Mark's and mine. So in mid January she started to plan Nemo's Birthday. He needed a cake, presents, balloons and most importantly a birthday card.

She would pick things out in the store. I mean she did this for weeks. Picked out card after random card sure that this was the one Nemo wanted. There were Bunnies, one for a 50 year old, boy cards and girl cards. If she was near a card section she wanted to pick out a card.

Then there was the......
"Nemo wants this beautiful bear, for his birthday."
"Nemo wants that pretty dress,.... for his birthday."
"Don't forget Nemo's Birthday card, MOM!"

It was everywhere. I was going crazy. Finally, I joked with Andrew one night that we should really just thow this thing and get it over with. We could do it on the cheap. It would be no big deal.
It is settled, we're going to do it. That will make all this talking about Nemo's birthday stop.
We set a day (some friend were going to spend the whole day with Paige), and went out to get a few supplies.
We needed: Cake, Cards, Balloons, Party Plates and Cups (Less dishes this way), Party hats (had to be convincing). IT should be SIMPLE.

I let Paige pick out what she wanted Brownie Cake with frosting, Card supplies (so her friends could make cards too), Dino plates and blue cups, and Sporty party hats. Found a banner that was extra..... but it was cute ( forgot the Balloon anyway). This was going to be a great party for Paige's imaginary friend.

Paige and her REAL friends had so much fun. They made cards, picked out of Paige's toys for gifts. We sang him Happy Birthday. It jsut so happened to be the weekend her friends were moving away, so it was an unstated moving away party. And was needed.

I've learned that Paige can drive me crazy enough to just throw caution to the wind and let go. I am glad that we ran that errand and planned something out of the ordinary.

But that I should have saved the supplies..... I guess that Birdy's Birthday is coming soon too.