Christmas, 2011

Christmas with 3 children is amazing. It was wonderful to see the joy in their eyes as the opened each the packages that have been teasing them for days. It was magical and perfect.

Christmas with 13 children that are all 10 and under is insane. It was a different kind of Christmas celebration. It was crazed, loud and overwhelming. I wouldn't have traded a minute of it.

There were some very nice gifts this year. Though, if I were very honest my favorite gift was one I gave to Andrew. It was a deck of cards with "52 reasons I Love You" on them. Here are my reasons to love Andrew.

You fill my life.

You gave me Paige.

You brought me Elizabeth.

You blessed me with Landon.

You make me smile.

You are my best friend.

Your kisses.

You let me hold the remote control.

Your teriyaki chicken.

You will drive me anywhere I want to go.

How tall you are.

You love the Lord with all your heart.

You support me.

The way you laugh.

No bake cookies!

Football Saturdays.

You are patient with me.

You hold my hand.

You allow me to be me.

You take good care of us.

You work so hard.

Your cuddles.

You are a Duck fan.

You are a wonderful father.

Your eye brow holders.

You feed us when I don’t want to.

You care for everyone.

You listen to my crazy ideas.

Dancing in the kitchen.

Taking long drives together.

That you love the Jail.

You drop anything to make me happy.

We share goals.

We share dreams.

You are calm under pressure.

Always ready to help others.

You are honest.

You never complain about our messy house.

You make birthdays super important.

The feeling of your lips against mine.

I love your sense of humor.

You were my rock this fall.

Your eyes.

That my saying “I’m hunting” turns you on. Even if I’m only shopping.

That you are proud of a good deal.

You never complain when you come home to a rearranged room.



You make me feel at home.



You make the bed much warmer for me.



There is no one else I would rather laugh at the kids with.




Helped me add to our family again.....




Yep, you read that right!




Here comes number 4!




It has been an exciting day. I feel like I have been bouncing off the walls. This was the gift I was hoping and praying for.


I am nervous and excited.


Dear Lord,
Thank you for hearing my cries. Thank you for blessing this family again. I know you have good and perfect timing. Please protect this little one and my other children as well. Lord, you know the excitement that we are all feeling. Thank you for giving us that excitement again.
Amen.

A Thankful Spirit

I am so thankful for;
Andrew and the life we share together,
8 years of marriage (in January that is),
Paige and her hopefulness,
Elizabeth and her strong spirit,
Landon and everything that makes him a boy,
The roof over our heads,
That we have yet to go hungry,
A comfortable bed to sleep in,
A heater that works,
That the Lord has a good and perfect plan,
The loving family that raised me,
My husband's loving family,
That Andrew has a stable job,
The comfort that the Lord has provided these last few weeks,
That the children are learning, growing and changing,
Health,
Freedom,
My nieces and nephews, that I never see enough of, Kayli, Kaitlyn, Keira, Kamillie, Kiley, Jocelyn, Eliza, coming little Mango, Jillian's newest little Bean, Brayden, Asah, Calvin, Xander and the hope of more one day.

I am trying to focus on all that is good.
And even though I thought it would be hard it isn't. I feel like a kid waiting for Christmas!

A New Normal

We are settling in to a new kind of normal. Things are different now but at the same time they are strangely almost the same as they were before anything happened. It is like the summer never happened. A strange dream/nightmare and it has forever changed my heart and how I look at things.

Long Sunday

I can't seem to convince my mind to slow down tonight. I keep rolling over to change positions. Today was stressful. Where did the slow days of late summer go? I miss them. 

Lord,

What happened today? I am filled with questions. Take care of B and J. Protect them. Comfort them. I miss them. Please fill them with love. 

Thank you for an understanding husband. Thank you for his desire to be a part of annual events, no matter how small. 

Bless our children. Their coughs seem to be getting better. Please let them really be gone.

You are my strength when I am weak. Thank you for carrying me. Please continue to help me make it through the next few days. There is no way I will be able to unless you are helping me. 

Amen

A Friend

A year ago today, my friend got the worst news of her life. She had lost her son before she had even held him. She was so close to his birth. Had just finished his nursery. Gone to the shower to celebrate him only days before. I remember looking at the pictures and feeling so happy for her and counting down the days until she would have her son in her arms.

Then there was the strange phone call from my sister telling me about her loss. It was the closest story of loss I had ever experienced up to that point. I grieved for her. Mourned the loss of that boy. At the same time couldn't help but thank God that I had safely delivered my babies.

I thought of her so often throughout the last year. Cried for her and prayed. It was daily for a long time. A few months later she announced that she was pregnant again. I rejoiced with her and prayed for her. I counted down the weeks of her pregnancy. I was so excited when her day of induction came. I followed updates like crazy that day. Finally her girl was in her arms.

Her loss is so different from mine. She knew her boy. There were more than imaginations of what he would be like. She had him for 9 months. Felt his kicks and hiccups. He had a name, a room, gear and clothes. She had regular old ultrasounds and a cool 3-D one too.

I keep putting together my memories of pregnancy and what I experienced in my life. Her loss was so great. There is a part of me thank thinks my loss doesn't even compare to hers, but part of thinks it does.

I sit her in tears for this family. This first anniversary of the hardest day of their life.

Happy 1st birthday in heaven, Grayson.

No Tears

I spent a considerable amount of time alone today and did not cry at all. If spent any time alone before, I was in tears.This is the first time this has happened since our loss. It is nice to know that I am getting closer to being me.
Thank you for a good day. Even if I didn't get a single thing crossed off of the to do list.

The Business Side is Sneaking In

I had to make a business call today about Peanut. I hate that I had to inform the WIC office of my loss. I was dreading hearing that I was no longer eligible for their help. To my relief, I am not just kicked out of their program. They just have to change the kind of appointments I have.

Top it all off, I have to go in to the office on Monday and talk about it more. Why do I have to do anything businesslike? Don't they know? Don't they understand? I want my baby. I don't want to jump through their hoops. I don't want to paste on a smile and make more small talk. Today hadn't been painful until I made the decision to make that call. I need to take comfort in still getting some of their services.

At the same time, I keep thinking about how different my spring looks now. May held the hope of new baby smell. I was looking forward to teaching Landon to be gentle. There was the promise of baby cuddles, proud siblings, diaper changes, sleepless nights and breast-feeding. There was also the promise of time off with Andrew. I want to go back to September when everything was rosy and I was looking forward to so much.

It might be time to remind myself of the stresses we won't have to face. Where was Peanut going to sleep? Where were Peanut's clothes going to be stored. How was I going to handle Elizabeth's kindergarten year of school along with the tiredness of a new baby? Could our house even hold four growing children? Somehow I had only been thinking of the nice things...

But babies are nice things. I don't care about any of the stresses in the last paragraph. Even more-so now after facing this kind of loss. My family is not complete. I know the stresses that come with babies, but I don't look at a baby like a stress.... I believe that every baby is a blessing. It is my desire to be blessed again.

Lord,
If it is your Will, can I have another baby one day? Thank you for holding my hand and hearing my cries. I claim your comfort today. And your promise of a plan. Please help us use this time to be more ready for a new baby.
Amen.

One Week

Empty, nothing is there.

No longer a little heart beating.

Hope from before is gone.

It is all over.

One foot in front of the other.

Eyes all bloodshot and wet, land on my sweet little ones.

No idea of what happened.

So innocent.

One honest question, no simple answer.

So pure and sweet her hope.

How do I tell her it's over?

Not yet.

How to heal a broken heart?

Ice cream and chocolate sauce, a start.

Finding joy in those moments.

Even with tears.

A week full of motion.

Time passes, more tears come.

Just have to do.

Can't stop.

Saturday morning, here already.

Pain floods me, no stopping it now.

Missing my Peanut and watching his siblings.

Play, pretend.

Comfort from friends, offering love.
Hugs.
Knowing looks.
Silent tears inside.

Covered by gloom no longer.
Joy.

Simple pleasures.

And tomorrow?

Can't stop time.

Spending my days reaching for hope,

Searching for sunshine.

Tick, Tick, Tick.

Keep going.

Kids smile and laugh, healing.

Another new day.

Hope coming.

Unspoken Loss and Finding a Way to Remember

It is amazing to me how many people have suffered this kind of loss and never said anything about it. How sad that there is this whole community of people that are suffering and not talking about their losses. The first time I have ever heard about some of these losses is after they heard that I lost Peanut. It breaks my heart to think about all of the people that are walking around missing their little ones.

Am I going to turn into one of these ladies? Coming up to a grieving young mom to tell them that I understand. I don't want to just go on.... but how can I not?

Please God,
Help us as a family find a balance between all consuming loss and just moving on and never speaking of that hope that was once there again. 
Amen

This week we are going to start putting together a memory box for the little time we had with Peanut. It is my prayer that this is the only time we have to put together anything like this. We found a box shaped like a book and are going to decorate it in a combination of baby book and circus theme. We are planning to fill it with my positive pregnancy tests (I am so glad I saved them),  the sonogram pictures, the letters I had written Peanut and a flower from the arrangement my parents sent.

I couldn't bear to be home much this week. While we were out and about, we found a baby peanut ornament. Thank you, Shopko for choosing to include that ornament. Andrew and I broke down right there in the store isle... We must have been quite the sight, holding each other and crying over an ornament. I am so thankful for God sending us something to hold onto and treasure.We will be putting this little ornament in the box as well.

I hope that working on this project as a family will help us all grieve this loss.

The Prayer of my Heart Today

Dear Lord,

Thank you for giving us a nice day together as a family. It was refreshing. You hear the cries of our hearts and meet our needs. Bless this family as we continue to grieve and move forward. Continue to hold us up and guide our steps. Let us continue to heal. 

I love you, Lord. I know You have a Plan. As I sit here today, I do not understand. I will listen for Your Calling. I want to do Your Will. Thank you for the promise of a future. 

Amen

A Letter to my Peanut

I had a desire to write something about how I am feeling. Not really to publish it, but for me. But before I started writing I opened my list of blogs that are pending. And found the letter I wrote to Peanut just after we found out he was coming. After reading the post, there is nothing left to say.... I said it all. All of my excitement has gone away and been replaced with emptiness. I am thankful for the hope that was Peanut and the three blessing that distract me from this loss.

Dear Little Sweet Peanut,
I am still in shock that you are really on your way. I have been praying for you to join us for a long time. It seems surreal to know that you are coming.
I am counting the weeks until I can feel you move. Your kicks and hiccups will carry me through these next months.
I am really excited to see how your face is different from your siblings. I want to count your toes. Kiss your checks and cuddle you close.
Right now you are forming. You are becoming the littlest version of you. And before I know it, you will be big just like Paige, Elizabeth and Landon. You will have things you like and don't like. I can't wait for those things. My favorite part of parenting is getting to know the person you are.
We told Grandpa and Grandma that you are coming. They were so excited.
Mommy and Daddy are still trying to come up with a fun way to tell Oma and Grandpa. We are probably going to surprise them by making a trip to Portland and then spilling the beans. We have never told them in such a simple way before. And we have never told them this early on, but I am so EXCITED.
Paige and Elizabeth had the best reaction ever. They were so surprised. There was cheering and clapping. Even Landon caught the excitement; even though he did follow anything we were saying. He clapped his hands and kept saying yay.
As the excitement was winding down Paige. ever the observant one, said, "Mom, I was wondering why your tummy was getting so big."
Elizabeth seems determined that you are going to be a girl. Paige on the other hand, says she will be happy with whatever you turn out to be. I would love another boy, but another girl would be just as amazing. Even as I am writing this, in my heart, all I want is to see and hear that you are healthy.
We are talking about what you name you. I am full of ideas and driving your daddy insane with constantly trying to talk about them.
Of course that is not the only way I am driving Daddy insane. Every time I turn around, I have this desire to celebrate your coming. If I keep my pace of constant celebrating up... Daddy is going to need to take a couple big hunting trips.
Please keep growing. Stay healthy and strong. Please, even while you are growing in my tummy, know that you are so loved. We are already holding you in our hearts and can't wait to hold you in our arms.
I love you, my little sweet Peanut.
Mommy

I am praying to one day be filled with this kind of hope again.

The Sappy Gooey Stuff

Please accept my apologies. This entry is going to be sweet, too sweet. If you are not in the mood for a woman high on the good things in life... skip this one.  I can't turn this kind of happy off. At least not right now.

I lead a fulfilling life.

I couldn't imagine a better way to be spending my days then being married to my best friend. He understands me. Andrew spends his days doing anything he can to make me happy. And most days he is very successful. I love him more now than before. And at the end of each day, I am excited to see what tomorrow will bring.

My three kids are little bursts of sunshine on my day. Of course there are the days when all I want to do is spend five minutes alone in the bathroom. But I just have to remind myself that this time will be over before I know it.

Paige is a constant comedian; she  loves making people laugh. Her timing is getting better too. I love listening to the ideas she comes up with. Paige's cuddles are never-ending. I love her problem solving skills. And she is observant, almost to a fault.

Elizabeth has more love than she knows what to do with. She says, "I love you" countless times each day. She is so set in her ideas and ways. Headstrong, I know that will be a good thing when it comes to peer pressure later on. Right now, all I can think about is how much fun I am going to have fighting with her in the coming years.

Landon is already showing his mischievous side. If there is trouble to get into he will find it. His independence is remarkable. He loves the backyard. Mostly he loves dirt and water... and what it makes when you mix them together. I find it amazing how dirty he can get in a matter of minutes.

I hope all of that raving about my family hasn't scared you away yet. If it has, you will have missed the very best part of what is happening right now....

We have spent this summer enjoying our life together. Spending every free moment as a family. Finding the most special thing we could afford to do and stopping to do it. Swimming, garage sale shopping, taking family walks, picnics, blackberry picking.... Most things were so simple. And I hope the memories we have made this summer can last a lifetime.

This was the best summer ever.

And best of all.... I am pregnant.

De-Cluttering Update

Summer is almost over, and my goal for making things better around the house is too. After our garage sale, I am proud to announce that there is some space in the shop, and a little more space in my closet. We easily got rid of 300 different items that weekend.

I cannot say that it made a huge impact on our home and how it functions, but I am planning to continue this process and clean out all the closets in the house before the new year. 

Project: Declutter 365

While reading a blog entry over on The Finer Things in Life I stumbled on her 2010 series Declutter 730 in 365. She made 2010 her year for decluttering 730 things from her home (an average of 2 things a day). Then she did a monthly update on her progress.
Now this kind of project could be good for me. It could be a way to focus my new-found desire to change our house into a home. But if I wait until the start of a new year to make a change or set a goal it will never happen. So I am going to start it now.

I can declutter things 4 different ways,

• Sell them on Craigslist or at a garage sale.
• Donate them to Goodwill.
• Give as gift, yes I still have lots of things with tags.
• Throw away, things that are missing pieces or are just broken.

I also agree with Amy that it would be too easy if I didn't set up some rules to follow.

• Regular trash doesn't count.
• Andrew's scrap metal doesn't count .
• I am going to average 2 items a day, some days I will do more and some days I will not do any decluttering.
• I don't have to be the one to declutter, the kids or Andrew can too. The point is for the house to loose things.
• I will blog about it once a month.

This shouldn't be too much a stretch since there are whole areas of the house that I barely touch. The hardest part is going to be continuing after school starts again. Here I go....

Daily Did It

Today was Andrew's day off. I love his days off. It is so easy to be productive.

Here is the list.

Unloaded the dishwasher
Worked with the family to pick up the floors
Andrew swept the living room and kitchen
Spot mopped the living room and kitchen
Had Elizabeth pick up the play room/laundry room
Started the process of refinancing the house
Cooked two complex meals at home
Had playtime with the kids at park
Took the perfect family picture to get printed
Let Andrew go on a scrap run (and didn't even complain)
Ordered my canvas print (my free offer was about to expire)
Washed 3 loads of laundry
Loaded the dishwasher

Having it all out there, our day was crazy. I love the crazy days, especially when we are all together.

Daily Did It's

I got a few things done today.

Loaded dishes
Unloaded dishes
Washed 3 loads of laundry
Had girls pick up bedroom
Gathered laundry from around house
Cleaned toilet
Unloaded dishes
Loaded dishes
Cleaned off table
Folded a table worth of laundry

Maybe having the laundry folded onto the table will hold us all accountable to get it put away before we even eat breakfast!

The Beginning of the End

Paige finished her last day of kindergarten today. She loved her time with Mrs. Price.

I have a first grader now!

Daily Did It's

Day 2 of the summer schedule.

I love my husband and miss evenings with him already; but being alone and awake at the same time is nice.

I am secretly loving this time.

I still haven't gotten a lot of housework done. It might be caused by the flip-floppy schedule, but really I think it has been Landon's never-ending need to be held and Andrew's extra scrap metal prep work.

Today I,
Washed 3 loads of laundry
Unloaded the dishwasher
Had Paige do a 5 minute dish-check
Started dishwasher

At some point this week I want to deep clean my bedroom. This might be a pipe dream... but I am holding on to it.

Life Summery

There has been a sad lack of work done around the house since my last blog post.

There were 3 parties over the weekend but with all the fun that was planned we also faced a super unavoidable problem, we were all sick. The constant presencce of whining, mirgranes, fevers, earaches, headaches, runny noses, coughs, wheezes and vomit. I am not even sure if that is all we faced.

There were 3 doctor appointments today.

I went being concerned about sinus/ear infections and left with Landon starting a new medicine. Hopefully the wheezing is over soon. Even after one treatment he seems quite a bit better. 

 Today is also the day we start our new summer work schedule. We went from spending every evening together as a family to having our family time in the morning. The kids handled it pretty well today. It will take some getting used to for me, but I keep reminding myself that it is only 3 months.

Crazy Kids and What I Did Today

My niece and nephew were over again today. It is nice to get to spend time with them, when everyone is getting along.

Everyone doesn't normally get along on the second day they spend together in one week. Surprisingly, they did well today.

There was coloring time. They played ball, dress up and cars. Elizabeth gave JJ one of her pretend hair cuts. It seems like everyone had a good time.

The kids let me take a shower with no interruptions. There was no screaming when I had to go outside to set up car seats for the school trip. I saw very little bossiness or toy taking. I was even able to get Paige ready for school and make lunch with no problems.

What relief!

Before they came over, I cleaned the table from the breakfast messes, unloaded the dishwasher, cleaned some counter space and washed a load of laundry.  Andrew even dug down and got all the floors cleaned up with the girls help. The house felt slightly presentable when they got here..

While Andrew and Shane were off scrapping, I washed the rest of the laundry and got it all folded too. The hanging things all made it onto their hangers! Made a menu plan complete with shopping list.


After Shane and his kids headed out, I finished my chores...

Put away all the laundry (I wish, more like some of it)
Loaded the dishwasher
Went to the grocery store
Started the dishwasher
Had the kids pick up their toys (Some of them)

It is days like today that make me think I can handle a few more kids.

Daily Did It, The Last 2 Days

My niece and nephew were over yesterday; when they are with me cleaning gets put on the back burner.

Over the last 2 days I have,
Set up the big kid slide,
Cleaned the cobwebs off the playhouse,
Unloaded dishes (2 times),
Loaded dishwasher (2 times),
Washed 5 loads of laundry,
Folded half the laundry pile

I am a little sad that I did most of it late today. I am trying to get some regular rhythm in my housework. Hopefully in a few weeks I will see more of an improvement. 
On a side note, Andrew and Shane cleaned my driveway today. I love the money they have been making. Andrew bought me a used iBook with that extra money! The downside of all their scrap metal collecting is the mess that I am forced to look at from my living room. It had become quite embarrassing. But not today, ah... today it is clean. Andrew promised to make trips to the dump more often for me. And I am planning on holding him to it!

Daily Did It... Busy Weekend Edition

This has been a crazy busy weekend. Don't get me wrong, it was fun... just busy too. 

Friday started out with school and deep cleaning the stove. I know.... that sounds normal enough. The real craziness didn't start until the preparation for my sister in law's baby shower.

Saturday was filled to the brim with activity. The day started with more prep for the party, with three kids underfoot. Then of course, there was the party. So fun... I just love being right in the middle of things. I take that back; really, I am not afraid to do whatever needs to be done... even if it makes me super uncomfortable. After the party there was the clean-up.... I love that even more than being the center of attention. Gifts to be loaded, and reloaded... ah, the puzzling that it took to get it all in.

Even though we already had a long day, my loving mother-in-law volunteered to take the girls home with her for the night. After spending almost 8 hours, I was glad to head home being down 2 kids was just the icing on the cake.

Why waste a night with almost no kids by staying home? I couldn't help it... It had been years since I asked Andrew on a date. 

After my husband got off work, we loaded Landon into the car and headed out for dinner and a movie. It was a late night for us, but it felt really good to act like it didn't matter.

Adding to the busy weekend, Landon woke up early today, too early.  We had to go to Sunday school, church and a wedding shower for a dear family friend. Getting my feet up after all that felt pretty good.

After I write it out... that doesn't sound like so much. After a little down time, I did manage to do a few chores.

Unloaded the dishes
Loaded the dishwasher
Cleaned off the dinner messes from the stove (this is a big deal, even if it was easy)
1 load of laundry

Tomorrow is normally a big chore day. I am praying for the motivation to really get the essentials done.

Daily Did It's

My done list today is really short...
Unloaded the dishwasher,
Washed 2 loads of laundry,
Scrubbed the stove.
It has been a busy day. I am okay with this list.

There will be no done list tomorrow, the kids and I are going to be out all day and very tired when we get home.

My Morning Project

I should start out by saying that, cleaning the stove should never be a project. And it is really not my desire to have it be one.

But I almost never wipe down the stove. Honestly, I cannot remember the last time I deep cleaned the stove, let alone wiped it down. Hopefully it I have done it since Christmas... But judging by how bad it was this morning, I am not convinced.

Part of me says, don't show the picture.  Then if I didn't, how credible would I be. I need to be held accountable for letting it get this bad. As you scroll down promise to look me in the face the next time I run into you....




Here it is.....

 It was so bad. Looking back at how bad it was, I am surprised we were able to use it for so long without starting a fire. It is disgusting. The black around the bottom right burner is really a pile of food. There are old noodles, bits of meat... it is the grossest part of my kitchen.

I can do this. I can get it done before Paige's pick-up from kindergarten.

 Starting time.... 9:02.... I had 1 hour and 50 minutes to get as much grime off as I can. And I was off to the races...

I ended up needing an arsenal of tools to get the job done.... A sponge with a scrubby side, a Magic Eraser, a Green Scrubby, 2 rags, a dish brush with a flat scrappy side and a butter knife. Sadly, I used up my last Magic Eraser.


But it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Here is the after shot...

It only took 52 minutes to get it back to acceptable condition. Now if only I could get the rest of my kitchen to this point. I have a feeling that project is going to take longer than I can even imagine.

Daily Did It's

Today I...
Unloaded the dishwasher,
Ran errands,
Went grocery shopping,
Reloaded the dishwasher,
Prepared for an EXTRA busy early morning.
Again not a really satisfying list of chores...

I am going to cling to the hope that there is always tomorrow. 

An Adventure in Speed Folding

I always put off folding the laundry. I hate it. What a waste. It seems like the clothes are all messed up before they are even put away.

On the other hand, they won't fit in their drawers if they aren't folded. So it really isn't really something I can just never do.

I woke to Mount Laundry today. Dread filled me as I sipped my morning coffee, I have to get it done today... I couldn't help but think that there has to be a different way to tackle this.... Speed folding!

I could grab a timer and see just how fast I could go from this......

To a laundry free living room.

I started the stop watch and dived in.

After 2 minutes, it didn't seem all that different. It is time to start folding only super easy, quick folding things.

Time check at 10 minutes in and now I can see that I am getting somewhere. Start folding big things... That will really empty the pile out.

20 minutes in and the pile is down. I am finally starting to feel good. It shouldn't be too much longer now. Only problem, all that is left is all those darn small kid clothes with lots of pieces. Instead of it going quicker now... shrinking the pile is really hard work now.

The pile is gone.... How much time did I lose? 31 minutes and 14 seconds.... How quickly can I get it all put away?

Now the aerobic work begins... and instead of only moving my arms and hands as fast as I can; I am full on running. I grab and go! And then come right back for another load. Nearly running into my husband, ignoring the crying 10 month old and pleading with my four year old to just move her tea set back into the play room.

Wouldn't you know it 13 minutes and 25 seconds later and I am really done. The couches are clear and ready for sitting!! They almost never look like this...

That is almost inviting.... almost.  And as good as it ever gets in my house. So for now, I am happy.

Daily Did It's

Today I folded laundry..... and that is it.

Beyond the normal daily messes.... my dear husband made a great dinner, and the evidence of it is all over the kitchen.

I have a lot to do again tomorrow.

Daily Did It's

I enjoyed sharing my sleep training adventures with Landon all over the online world. It made it easier to know that I could report back on how my night went. Pretending that my struggles mattered to everyone I know helped me continue to take each step forward.

It was like my mother was there each morning holding my hand as I complained about just how hard the night before was.

To prove my point even more, a woman from church came up to me on Sunday just to congratulate Landon on the big progress we made this week.

I don't know if I have ever said it to you, dear blog reader.... but I am a slob. I struggle with doing the daily chores that a house survives on. The thought of doing big sorting projects gives me the sweats. And worst of all the thought of actually de-cluttering something. What is the point? It is just going to fall apart in a few weeks.

I can't help but wonder if sharing the chores that I have finished each day would hold me accountable. Like knowing that you will be there holding my hand when it has all fallen apart. Laughing at the strange messes I find. And yelling at me when I still haven't done what I needed to.

So here it is, today I....

Unloaded the dishwasher,
Ran 5 loads of laundry (but I didn't fold any of them),
Made Landon's bed,
Made our bed,
Started the dishwasher after dinner,
Had the kids pick up their toys before bed (everywhere).

I know it is not nearly enough when the house is as bad as it is... but that is honestly what is finished right now.

30 Minute Family Project

Andrew woke up today wanting to do something fun with the kids. Normally I just put off everything that is cleaning related and have fun with the family... The only problem with that, I woke with a desire to tackle some of those pesky piles.

It was up to me to create a plan to make everyone happy.

"Let's set the kitchen timer for 20 minutes and everyone work the whole time. As soon as the timer beeps, you guys can do whatever you want."

I have an awesome husband. I got 30 minutes.

The work that can be done in 30 minutes in amazing! The super stinky trash, that was piling up for too way too long, got taken out. Our desk and kitchen table are both cleared off. The floors are picked up. 

Ahhhh!

Next on my to do list, quietly sit and enjoy my picked up house. At least for a little while... Then I have to get my head back in the game and tackle a little more.

Today's Progress

There has been little progress on my list of things that I wanted done today.

On the bright side, I have loaded the dishwasher, picked up my iPod  from the mac store and put away all of Landon's summer clothes. That is not nearly enough. I really want the house at least livable by the end of the weekend just in case my sister decides to come down.

It is now nap time. After I get all the kids down for some rest and drink a cup of coffee... I am really going to buckle down.... I promise.

The bad part is that the only one I really answer to is me. (I can be too forgiving of myself sometimes)

Family Sleep Update!

I just have to throw it out there... Landon has moved to his crib marvelously.
We have been on the journey for about 2 weeks now. When we started, Landon would stand and scream at the top of his lungs for hours. Everything I tried wasn't working. I thought it was hopeless.
We decided to take baby steps to help him learn that his crib is a safe place.
The plan was to lay him down and let him get all worked up. then come in the room and offer only a hand in his crib. Then sit with my hand in the crib until he was entirely asleep and then slowly sneak out. The last few days, I have been sneaking out as soon as he was asleep enough not to care and letting him cry it out some at nap time.
Those baby steps are done now! He can now calm himself down in a timely matter! New plan, straight cry-it-out method.
After only 15 minutes of tears, Landon put himself down for a nap earlier. It didn't last long but it was a morning one.... those never seem too.
Bedtime was even easier. He was slightly upset for only 7 minutes tonight!
I am now praying for a boy who can last 6-7 hours in his crib without me... that might be a pipe dream.

Two Steps Forward and Three Steps Back

Well, I am sad to admit that my slob brain attacked again. I let myself feel sick for a couple days and all the progress I was making on the massive piles of mess is gone. There is barely space to sit in our house and we are yet again running out of dishes. Those rooms that were beautiful are now quite the opposite.
This just adds to what I have been learning as a homemaker, I don't get sick days. I really don't get 2 days in a row. Ever.
Now that my head has again cleared, my drive to tackle things has returned as well. I am setting big goals for tomorrow;
Clean the kitchen (sadly this has reached project status)
Laundry (to do that the Laundry room is going to need a good picking up too)
Tame the messes in the cave (otherwise known as our bedroom)
That is a long list for a Saturday. I am hoping for some big successes to propel me into the new week.

The Desk

For almost 2 years now I have been using a folding table as a desk. Now it wasn't an ideal solution to my furniture needs but for a long time it didn't bother me.

Over the last few weeks I have been keenly aware that whenever the kids are near the desk it seems to quiver in fear. It might be that the kids are using the computer more and more or that Landon has added a need for them to be extra rough. But the "desk" had started to shimmy and shake. Each day it seemed to be doing it more and more.

I can't afford to just head out and buy real desk on a whim. So I made Cragslist my lurking ground. Each day I checked and checked to see if someone no longer wanted a desk with some substantial storage. I didn't want just any desk I had my heart set on a desk to solve some other issues in the house.... mainly a way to hide some of the mess.

Last night my wildest desk dreams came true. Here it was a desk that was about the same size as my wobbly table, with storage cabinets under it and a hutch above. And best of all the price... FREE!

With one look I was in love. This was my desk. I couldn't call fast enough. And was pleased that it was still there when we finally made it over.

And here is my desk.... The contents that are going to fill each of those cabinets are still scattered through my house... but I am no longer fearing for my computers life! And that is a success!

Family Sleep Issues and the Bedroom Makeover

I woke up Thursday with a need to do another room from start to finish. The kid's bedroom needed to be rearranged. 

Landon's crib was right by the door and the light switch. This wasn't a problem when I was only using his crib for strorage, but since I had started to train Landon to sleep in his crib a few issues with this set up had become apparent.

The first night, he stood and held on to the side of his crib closest to the door and screamed.... for hours.  Every time I came into the room to comfort him and remind him I was still there, I would hit his head with the door. It just kept happening no matter how carefully I opened the door.

It is hard enough to comfort a baby who is all worked up from screaming. But each and every time I had just gently hit his head yet again.

That first night was horrible. In fact those first few nights were.

I am not even sure how or when the next issue came out. But somehow, in the middle of the night I heard him crying and all of a sudden he was calm and then just as suddenly he was all worked up again.

Upon listening closer, I could hear the little flick of a light switch at the start and stop of each of his cries.

When I woke up on Thursday, I knew that something needed to be done and it had to happen sooner rather than later. Or we would give up on Landon sleeping in his own bed again!

I spent that whole morning thinking about the puzzle. The kids have an oddly shaped room. I needed to move the crib away from the door but there isn't a whole lot of extra room to work with in there.

I had a great idea and started to move things around. I shuffled around the room moving first one thing and then another. It was like working a slide puzzle. Finally I found myself at the point of just moving one last thing into place.... and heaven forbid it won't go!! I try and I try and I try.

No! I didn't get the puzzle this far along and now have to move it all back? Surely it will fit!

I measured. It should be fitting. There is enough room.

And then I remembered, The baseboards!! They are 1 inch extra around the whole room.

I measured again. Sure enough, if the baseboards weren't there it would fit just fine.

There is no other way to arrange the room so that the door closes and Landon isn't right by the light switch.

Can I pull it out myself.... Sure, I can do it. It is my house. Is Andrew going to be mad.... Maybe.... but would it solve the problems Yes it would.  So.... why not?  My next thought, Where is the hammer?

After pulling the baseboard and continuing to slowly work the pieces in, I can now say that the puzzle really is solved.
Here is the view from just inside their room.

 

 Here is what is looks like from the closet.

 

And finally what the door way looks like.

 

I couldn't move the bed any further towards the doorway or it wouldn't close. 

Here is what they see from where their beds meet now....

Do you see those toys nicely put away! I am a happy mommy today!

I have to sat that there is still some room to improve... This is what we consider jammies being put away.... I am sure that this plan would fly with my mom. 

 But at least they have a place.

The Laundry Room Project

 I wrote this post on Wednesday, but kept put off publishing it because I kept forgetting to get the pictures of how it all turned out. I didn't think you would want to read about work and not see how it all turned out.

I decided to declutter the floor in one room. I racked my brain for a room that wasn't functioning. I started a load of laundry and was inspired by my inability to even open the laundry room door... spilled dog food, enough pop cans/bottles to fill an large garbage bag all mixed with useful things and dyer lint. (Sadly there was even a litter-box in there from waaay back when we still let the cat inside.) This was my project....

I don't have a before shot... well because this room was so horribly wrong that I don't want to remember how bad it was and I want you to have the ability to look me in the eyes again. Trust me.... You didn't want to see the before pictures of this project.

In deep cleaning it, I learned there was a LOT of wasted space.After much more thought I decided to make a purpose the room. I made it a play area for the kids.

Now there is space for dress up clothes.

Their play kitchen is all set up.

And all of their baby dolls have room too!

It is a small room, but doesn't it look good!! The kids have been loving having the extra space.

This is a win-win!

Letter to Myself: 2011 Edition

Another year... another letter. I am getting a little predictable here. I am sure that no one is reading this, probably not even me the 2012 version of me. But taking a look back at the last year is always good. The highlights of my year, as always, revolve around the kids.

2010 was full of adventures. It all started with a trip to Disneyland! That trip was so wonderful. The girls really had fun and are still talking about it. I bet even you (the 2012 Sarah) haven't heard the end of their excited jabbering about Disneyland.

 

We love those kids. Look at their sweet faces. They changed a lot over the course of 2010. First of all, you added that boy!  Landon is so much fun. He is new and different, raising a boy is experience all in its self. 

Starting over again is amazing. It is scary and it goes too fast.  Landon is eating solids, trying to sit up and scooting already. He loved Christmas. He got into opening the presents so fast! I cannot wait until next year.

Elizabeth has fallen into the big sister role and is still learning what that means. She is a big girl now. Just yesterday she was telling you about 80% of the letter sounds correctly! I am sure she is continuing to amaze you, because she already does everyday. Elizabeth loves dress up and princesses. She could spend her whole day singing and is doing pretty good. There is nothing like sitting in church next to her during worship. She still has high highs and low lows. Her fits are still a big deal... but you are working on them.

Paige lost many teeth this year. There for a while, she could hardly eat....Luckily she got her front teeth for Christmas. She has settled in to school and is learning new things each day. Our only concern is her forgetfulness. Paige would love to go back to Disneyland someday and is already planning Landon's first trip. She has always been a planner. She has developed a favorite toy, her Jessie.

Both girls grew their hair out and then got major hair cuts in October. Remember to never get a Bob with Layers.... It is way too much work for a kids hair cut!

  

As I am sitting here now, my heart says we are not done having kids. But we are nearing Andrew's original cut off date... here's hoping you have convinced him to not be done yet, if you aren't ready yet. If you are ready, YAY! 

Goals for 2011!!!

Do the FlyLady program!

Continue to pay down debt!

Find time to be ALONE once a month?!

Try to find time for DATES again?!