A Friend

A year ago today, my friend got the worst news of her life. She had lost her son before she had even held him. She was so close to his birth. Had just finished his nursery. Gone to the shower to celebrate him only days before. I remember looking at the pictures and feeling so happy for her and counting down the days until she would have her son in her arms.

Then there was the strange phone call from my sister telling me about her loss. It was the closest story of loss I had ever experienced up to that point. I grieved for her. Mourned the loss of that boy. At the same time couldn't help but thank God that I had safely delivered my babies.

I thought of her so often throughout the last year. Cried for her and prayed. It was daily for a long time. A few months later she announced that she was pregnant again. I rejoiced with her and prayed for her. I counted down the weeks of her pregnancy. I was so excited when her day of induction came. I followed updates like crazy that day. Finally her girl was in her arms.

Her loss is so different from mine. She knew her boy. There were more than imaginations of what he would be like. She had him for 9 months. Felt his kicks and hiccups. He had a name, a room, gear and clothes. She had regular old ultrasounds and a cool 3-D one too.

I keep putting together my memories of pregnancy and what I experienced in my life. Her loss was so great. There is a part of me thank thinks my loss doesn't even compare to hers, but part of thinks it does.

I sit her in tears for this family. This first anniversary of the hardest day of their life.

Happy 1st birthday in heaven, Grayson.